The Not-So-Amazing-Race

I've been a fan of CBS' "The Amazing Race" for many seasons, and my mom and I even applied to be on the show earlier this year (we would've been part of the current season, which just started Sunday night).

We were bummed that we weren't called, but after watching the premiere on Sunday I found myself less bummed and more angry - seriously, THESE are the people you've chosen to compete on the show?? THESE are the people you think America will find interesting enough to watch for several months?? My mom and I are real people with an actual, meaningful relationship - sure, we might not provide the drama of "ooh, are they gonna break up?!?," but at least we would've been LIKABLE (I think).

Here were my thoughts after watching:


Could they make worse casting choices?!?

In past seasons, the teams I found the least interesting were always the young, "dating" couples, the ones who ALWAYS say the race will either make them or break them - supposedly they're either headed for a separation or marriage.

Well, guess what - if you're facing that sort of dilemma, chances are good you aren't right for each other. Booooring.

Yet this season is chock full of these teams - so many, in fact, that I'm having trouble distinguishing them.

The rest of the field is made up of semi-famous people who don't really seem like they need the money, so why should I root for them?? There are only a couple of teams that actually feel like "real" people, and no one seems particularly smart - what happened to having some brainiacs on the Race? Half the fun is watching the competition between brains and brawn - seeing the smartypants dominate the mind puzzles while the athletes win the physical challenges.

I used to love this show, but I'm not sure I can stick out this season - and I've heard the same from many others who used to be fans. Here's to hoping the producers & casting peeps try a little harder next time around.

BITCH FEST #3

BITCH FEST #3: People parked in their cars on the side of a busy street who decide to unceremoniously throw their driver's side door wide open into oncoming traffic.

You know what I mean.

You're driving along in the right-hand lane of a busy street - I mean, it's got to be at least SOMEWHAT busy, after all, there is more than one lane going on here. You're rolling along, minding your own driving bidness, when out of the blue you see what looks to be a fairly large object flying at the front of your car.

Giant, angry sewer rat? Misplaced tumbleweed? No, sir. Just some d-brain who decided it was time to give some innocent motorists a little taste of cardiac arrest.

If I'm in my parked car on a busy street, here's what I usually do. I crack my door carefully, wait for traffic to slow (if not totally stop), then I gradually open the door inch by cautious inch, until I can just barely squeeze my side-turned butt out of the car. I do the same when re-entering the vehicle. Stop, stand, look, wait, open/jump-in all at once.

But not everyone follows these simple steps...oh nooooooo. Some a-munchers clearly think they're the only people on the planet, as evidenced by their blatant ignorance of the vehicular death they nearly caused.

Why in god's name would you ever - EVER - throw your door completely WIDE OPEN into traffic?!? I've only got about a foot and a half of room to spare in the first place, and your 3 foot long door suddenly entering my airspace means I have to choose between swerving dangerously close to the car in the left-hand lane or risk leaving a good chunk of my paint on yours, either of which could result in any number of catastrophic outcomes.

So please, idiot person in your parked car, the next time you're about to fling open your door into the middle of crazy L.A.-style traffic, stop and think a moment about the fact that you could seriously harm someone...and the fact that I've vowed to take your hand off with my side-view mirror the next time it happens.

Sorry - I guess I just didn't see you there! Sucks that you can't drive anymore, what with your one-hand and all. (And to the rest of the human race....you're welcome.)

My Brain, the Nerf Football

Why does it have to be so d*mn difficult to get back into the swing of things after a great vacation???

Granted, I'm not doing much these days...writing from home, walking the dog, taking some classes...but even that stuff seems like the ultimate grind after a long weekend of complete and total R & R.

If only life could be an endless stream of vacation days...

Of course, if I had a more solid feeling of where I'm going with my life (professionally, not personally), that might help. This state of constant flux, not knowing what I'm meant to do with myself, not sure what my future will hold or if I'll ever, EVER find a career path that I find (at the least) tolerable...it's a bit much at times. Particularly after a break from it all, not thinking about these overarching concerns for five whole days...let's just say that I've had a fairly rough time slipping back into the realm of self-flagellation.

Ugh.

Channeling my Inner Dude

For some reason, I've always felt that I've had more guy-like tendencies than most girls.

No, I'm not into chicks.

But I do love reading sci-fi and fantasy novels (like 'Lord of the RIngs,' NOT like that romantic fantasy BS with Fabio on the cover), I adore action movies, and my sense of direction is superior to most.

Take for example the 'Transporter' films.  Many girls wouldn't let their BF's drag them kicking and screaming to see these movies, and if they did, they'd gossip to their girlfriends the next day about how awful it was and how hideous their BF's movie taste is.

Not me.  I love those films - well, maybe not the third one so much...even the fights were lame.  But I can watch Jason Statham kick butt any day of the week.  No, not because he's ripped, but because I admire his martial arts skills and the fact that he does his own stunts (for the most part).  The dude rules.  He's the dudeliest.

Luckily, none of this seems to bother my fiance.  It just gives us more to talk about.

I'll never forget, though, the day my mom found out that I watched so many episodes of "The A-Team" and "Knight Rider" in my youth that I have more memory of those shows than I do my own elementary school friends' names.  Ah, the look of horror that crossed her face when she realized how much crappy testosterone-fueled television I imbibed behind her back as a young child!

The books are all her fault, though.  She got into reading sci-fi with my uncle when they were kids, and therefore my house growing up was packed to the gills with Asimov and Heinlein. I had a book in front of my face as soon as I learned to read (which was at a ridiculously young age), and it was never any of that sappy girly nonsense.  My version of chick lit was Nancy Drew.  Because she was a total bad-ass.

Maybe it's because of all this that I ended up being more likely to want to catch "Crank 2: High Voltage" rather than go clothes shopping or paint my nails.  And why I usually relate more in conversation to dudes than chicks...hence my sad lack of lady-friends.

Sometimes I'm a little embarrassed by how guy-like my tastes seem to be.  Then again, I do enjoy some "girly" things, like frou frou martinis and cooking dinner for my fiance.

As long as we can have a full-blown kung fu battle with the kitchen utensils afterward.

I Need a Hero!

Just noticed I haven't blogged in over two months...pretty sad state of affairs.  I blame it on the play I'm in - memorizing lines takes up a lot of brain-space.

I saw something on CNN the other day and realized I had to write about it - it made me so, SO angry.  They called it a "real-life Footloose" - a senior at a Catholic high school went to his girlfriend's public school prom, after which he was suspended and won't be allowed to walk with his class at graduation this summer - all because his school has very strict rules against music and dancing.

I was floored by this.  Does this really still exist in America today?  Did we not pass into a new millennium nine years ago?  And as much as I loved it, wasn't "Footloose" pretty G-D corny?

Frankly, I think having rules against anything is pretty much equivalent to asking for teen rebellion.  ESPECIALLY when it's something like this.  Music and dancing have been part of human culture throughout all of recorded history.  They have been used to celebrate, to commemorate, to show love and express joy, to alleviate the negative and bring people together.

How on earth can something so beautiful be turned into something to be afraid of?  It boggles my mind.  I understand the church's correlation between slow-dancing and sex, I suppose.  But I would argue that one does not necessarily lead to the other, and that if a teen is going to have sex, they're probably gonna do it regardless of what they were doing earlier in the evening.

I may be putting myself on shaky ground by saying this, but I don't think sex is the enemy.  Unwanted teen pregnancy and STD's are what we should be focusing on - a lack of sex education is the true evil, yet THAT is what's being promoted by so many in the church.

I'm not saying I condone underage sex - but I don't think it's realistic to fight against it, either.  Be supportive of your kids, let them know that it's more important to you that they are SAFE and PROTECTED - that's what my mom did for me, and I seemed to work out okay.

And this nonsense about music and dancing?  I don't care if this kid's school had rules that he knowingly broke - they were idiotic rules to begin with.  I don't blame him one bit.  This school should be ashamed of itself.  I'm willing to bet they don't have any rules against aggressive, competitive sports.

Religion shouldn't be all about fear and control, it should be about love and compassion and joy.  I guess I'll keep hoping for a rebellion...and not just from the teens.

BITCH FEST #2 - Automatic Toilets!!!

Okay, so the guys out there in Blog-land won't be able to relate as much to this piece, I'm sure, but I'm hoping I'll find some fellow commiserators amongst the ladies.

I have a thing with public restrooms.  To put it bluntly, I hate them.  My maternal grandmother had a pretty severe case of OCD, and I'm fairly certain that's where I get my base fear of the toilet stalls that exist outside of the comfort of my own home.

I often gets chills when I enter a stall - literal chills.  I shake in revulsion.  I have been known to walk an entire line of 30+ stalls in order to find the least offensive offering.  And I wash my hands repeatedly and obsessively, doing everything in my power to avoid touching faucets, handles, and doors afterward.

Because of all this, I am very fond of the trend toward automatic bathroom fixtures.  I'm a HUGE fan of automatic sinks and paper towel dispensers (or even better environmentally-speaking, automatic air dryers), and the advent of the automatic soap dispenser is a thing of true beauty.  I can't wait for EVERY establishment to get on board.

But the one device that continually picks at my sanity is the automatic toilet.  Why can't they get this damn thing right????

I guarantee that every woman out there has experienced the following situation:  Enter stall.  Do your thing.  And just a few seconds before you're ready for it, the toilet flushes.  Sigh of frustration.  Okay, NOW you're ready.  But the toilet isn't gonna flush again, as you didn't sit back down and activate the sensors.  You try waving your hand at the sensor, maybe put your foot in front of it to simulate a seated body.  Nothing.  So you hunt and search for the elusive "manual" button, which is of course too small to hit with your foot, and therefore you are left with the disgusting task of having to TOUCH THE TOILET AFTER ALL.

Not only has the entire purpose of the automatic toilet been defeated, you've also succeeded in 1) wasting water and 2) boiling your brain into a barely-controlled fury.

And I've actually been in stalls where the exact OPPOSITE situation occurs.  Enter stall, do your thing, finish, wait.  Wait.  Wait.  And nothing happens.  So, certain that the automatic toilet mechanism is on the fritz, you begin your search for the aforementioned manual button.  And just as you get right down there, with your face hovering mere disgusting inches from the toilet, guess what?  Flush.  Not only is it aggravating, it's totally, completely, undeniably repulsive.

Why can't these people get the damn things RIGHT???  Is the timing really THAT hard to manage?  Are the female engineers assigned to designing the mechanism the fastest wipes in the West or what?!?  (Sorry, gross out factor.)

You know, if the timing on these things is THAT difficult to figure out, then just leave be.  Gimme an old-school manual flush handle any day of the week - at least I can hit THAT thing with my foot.

Oh, and while we're at it, can we get on the task of creating an automatic toilet paper dispenser?  The female populace thanks you.

Driven to Distraction

Oh, what to do?

The problem at hand is vehicular in nature.  You see, I have what many have called extremely bad luck when it comes to cars.  I've owned more cars in my life than I care to admit, and I'm always ready for the latest one to crap out on me.

My previous car was a fiasco...I got a bright and shiny Saturn in 2002 - my very first BRAND NEW CAR.  The warranty expired after three years, and at year four (one year shy of having the car paid off) the car decided to stop working.  This was accompanied by some pretty awful noises and rather copious amounts of smoke, all of which was caused by some sort of engine cracking which I was told was not my fault.

Not my fault, huh?  You'd think that would mean I was entitled to my money back or a free Saturn or something wonderful of that nature.

In my dreams.

But they did work out a deal with me where they would wipe out the remainder of what I owed on the car (minimal at that point) in exchange for taking the car off my hands for parts and whatnot...as long as I sat down and signed the papers on a NEW car that very day.  This seemed a win-win situation to me, as I certainly couldn't live my life in L.A. without a motor vehicle, and although my previous Saturn had exploded for no apparent reason, I still trusted in the brand - don't ask me why.

So I signed off on a new car...as a lease.  You see, I figured that if I couldn't keep a brand-new car alive for four years, why not just switch them up every three?  That way, I'd always have a shiny new vehicle, and I'd never have to worry about something going horribly, awfully wrong and perhaps stranding me in East L.A.  (I don't know why I'm in East L.A. in this scenario, as I don't go there on a regular basis, but it fit my parameters for a place I would not want to be stranded, so sue me).

So here I am, at the tail end of my three year lease (did you already figure out the math, you sly devil, you?), and I really have no idea what I should do next.  My preference is whatever is cheapest, but that ain't so easy to figure out right now.

You see, I have been in two sizable accidents in this car - both times the car has been repaired through my insurance, but the repairs were substantial and I'm not exactly sure how that will go over with the folks at Saturn.  Also, I had an incident in a parking garage that resulted in a rather long and horrific scratch on the side of my car - which has NOT been fixed.

There are a few other issues, none of which are my fault, but I'm not sure the dealership will see it as theirs.  For instance, one measly month after I got the car, the cover to the driver's side visor mirror fell off.  Literally fell off.  I didn't even touch it.

Last year, the front passenger side window broke for no good reason.  It rolls down, but comes up crooked (someone told me the window grips inside of the door mechanism must have come loose).

And a few months ago, the right side window washing valve stopped working.  When I pull the lever to squirt solvent onto my windshield, only the driver's side gets the juice.  Hey, at least it's the important side, right?

See what I mean?  The car isn't even THREE YEARS OLD.  What the hell???

So here are my options.  1) Finish off my lease and switch over to making payments to actually BUY the car in question, keeping fingers crossed that nothing else goes wrong with it.  2) Fix the scratch & other issues on the car (probably thousands in repair work), then turn it in to Saturn and wash my hands of them. 3) Turn the car in to Saturn without the repairs, be charged probably double that amount by them, but still get to wash my hands of them.

Of course, option 3 is probably out of the question, as it will likely be the most expensive route.  But between 1 and 2, I simply cannot decide which would be the better choice - do I stick with a car that already seems to be falling apart but save the money on external repairs, or do I shell out for the repairs, get rid of the pesky damn Saturn, and switch over to a new car from a different company?  Either way, I'm still stuck with car payments for the next several years, though admittedly fewer of them if I choose to stick with the Saturn.

Whew.  Long-winded, and pretty boring stuff.  I apologize.

You know, just from writing all of that down, I think I see what I need to do, which is stick with the G-D Saturn from hell.  Great.  Will someone PLEASE win the lottery for me, PLEASE???

Then I could just hire a freaking chauffeur.

The Ties That (Legally) Bind

Okay.  I considered making this post my second Bitch Fest, but as I couldn't decide how to label my target, I chose to just make this my typical rant.

Most of you know that I was very much against Prop 8 here in California, which passed last November.  For those that aren't in the know, it was a proposition to our state constitution which prevents people of the same sex from legally marrying.  It reversed a decision made by California's Supreme Court a few years ago to allow these marriages.

I even wrote a prior blog piece about it - "Why I Think Prop 8 is Wrong."  Feel free to look it up if you're in the mood for more angry tirades.

This topic remains an issue - it went before the Supreme Court a matter of days ago.  And of course, the news outlets covered it...which means they had plenty of "man on the street" type interviews on the subject.

Now, I know people who are against legalizing marriage for same-sex couples.  I don't agree with them, but some of them have arguments that I TRY to understand, although most of the time I simply don't.  I don't see how two people wanting to express their love for one another has anything to do with anyone else.  They're not hurting anyone.  Right?

What I saw that set me off, that drove me to write about this subject once again, was an on-the-street interview with a woman (who I will not name, of course) who said the following (yes, this is a direct quote, I rewound several times to make sure I got it verbatim):  

"Marriage is created for family.  And if you're two men or two women, you can't have family unless you ask someone else to do it for you."

First and foremost, this statement enraged me because she's now taking this beyond an argument over the definition of marriage - she's now making it about the definition of family.  Marriage is created for family?  Really?  Because I'm about to get married, to a man I love with my whole heart, but we're not sure at this point in time if we ever want to have kids.  Therefore, should we not be allowed to wed, if marriage is strictly for FAMILY?

And who is this woman to tell me that my fiance and I aren't a "family" of our own?  Since when do you have to have children in order to be considered a "family?"

And as far as "asking someone else to do it for you" - so, you're telling me, a couple who adopts a child, that's not a real "family?"  It's only truly a family if you have the kids yourself?  What about artificial insemination - does it really make a difference if the woman is gay or straight?  Does one have a family, and the other not?

This line of reasoning was so insensitive, so hideous, that I couldn't help but scream at my television (sorry neighbors).  What gives this woman the right??  Marriage isn't just about family.  The act of marriage is about love, plain and simple.  It shouldn't be bound by any further terms than that.

It's almost as ridiculous as those who rage about preserving the sanctity of marriage whilst signing the papers on their third divorce.

I hope all of their "families" forgive them.

Bitch Fest #1

All right, so I thought about making this a completely separate blog page, but in the end I  decided no one wants to visit two separate pages.  Therefore, I will simply be keeping THIS blog, filled with various life observations and deep thoughts...

...BUT occasionally interrupted by pieces that I'd like to cohesively title "BITCH FEST, or 365 Things I Feel Entitled to Complain About."

Every now and then, I feel the need to rant.  Usually it's about stupid sh*t, stuff that really doesn't mean all that much in the grand scheme of things.  But man oh man, sometimes...sometimes it just wells up within your soul and you just HAVE to let it out, you know what I mean?

And I figure it's safer for everyone if I vent in the written word as opposed to...well, anything else.

So here it is, take it or leave it:  my first installment of Bitch Fest.  Please enjoy the anger.

BITCH FEST #1:

PEDESTRIANS!!!

Okay, perhaps I should amend that to read RUDE pedestrians.  But lately they've all felt the same, they all seem incredibly rude, and therefore I lump them as one large mass.

I've been walking a lot lately.  I always try to walk, considering I have no other athletic activity that I actually enjoy in any way, but lately I've been doing even more of it.  Anything that's within a feasible distance, I hoof it.  The grocery store (as long as I'm not stocking up, that is), the nearest mailbox, the local Quizno's (which has unfathomably been replaced by a Subway, an act which deserves a 'Fest' of its very own, surely.)

Not only is this a health-conscious thing for me to do, it's also environmentally friendly (no car = no excess black crap in the air), and, I thought, less-stressful than dealing with L.A. traffic.

L.A. traffic is the worst traffic.  Ever.  I refuse to believe otherwise.  It's not just the sheer, overwhelming number of cars on the road...it's the utter stupidity out there, the unbelievable jerk-wads who think they have the right to zip in and out of lanes, the abundance of pickup trucks piled high with oodles of construction/repair/furniture odds and ends that I just KNOW are going to come flying out of that truck bed and through my windshield one of these days.

It stresses me out.  Bad.  I try to drive as little as possible.  Hence, more walking.

Where I encounter PEDESTRIANS.

What I have discovered, to my despair, is that just because you've taken the drivers out of their cars, doesn't mean you've made them any less rude and/or moronic.

Perhaps it's just my humble Midwestern sensibility - I go out of my way to step out of an elderly woman's path, I hustle across the intersection if a car is waiting for me, things of that nature.  It's just common courtesy to me.  I can't imagine doing anything else.

It seems that not everyone was brought up with such lofty ideals.  Certainly not the family who continued to walk all four abreast as we approached one another on a narrow strip of sidewalk.  Me with my two overflowing grocery sacks (because, of course, I always get just a liiiiittle bit more than I should, considering I have no motor vehicle with me), them laughing, talking, ignoring the fact that I was coming steadily closer.

You know how this ends.  I moved off the sidewalk.  I was actually forced OFF THE SIDEWALK by these a$$holes who couldn't see fit, not even one of them, to at least drop back.

Unbelievable.  I'm not asking you people to walk in the freaking street, I wanted to shout back at them.  And this happens to me ALL OF THE TIME.  It blows my mind.  It is SO rude.

My mood was only worsened by the pair of giggling teenage girls standing at the next stoplight.  They were there before me, so I assumed that they had already pushed the walk button - silly me!  Now, normally I would push it in any case, never knowing if someone was a forgetful goober or if the system had registered the request or whatever, but in this case the girls were of course standing directly in front of the button.  I didn't ask them if they'd pushed the button, nor did I ask them politely to move aside so that I could do so - after all, that would be rude.

The light changed.  The red hand stayed put.  The girls looked confused.  They pushed each other jokingly.  A car, which had been waiting to make a right-hand turn in front of us, had to pull to a sudden stop as the girls decided, last minute, to simply make a dash for it.  

And me?  I got to wait on the corner through two more light changes.

Is a little courtesy too much to ask here??  The willing stupidity and downright obnoxious behavior that these people are soaking in disgusts me.  People have no respect!!

Oh god, I'm becoming an old person.  Well, put me in a home then - it's gotta be better than the stuff I've gotta deal with out here.

Stop.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Anger dissipating.  Okay...whoo.

Clearly, these walks are going to be the death of me.

Shock and Awe (and a Four-Tiered Cake)

Well, I did it.

No longer can you call me inexperienced or naive, for I have expanded my borders and taken the leap.  What with my impending marriage and all, I thought it was probably about time.

Time...to attend a Bridal Show.

I had found many references to these shows in my newly acquired arsenal of wedding magazines and how-to guides ("Wedding Planning for Dummies" is on my shelf, no lie).  Pictures of beaming brides-to-be tasting wedding cake, winning fabulous prizes, and ogling the latest trends in bridal fashion splayed across the glossy pages like a tantalizing morsel of forbidden fruit - dare I plunge myself into this girly frivolity, shucking away my life-long image of my self as an independent Chick who lives for science fiction and wouldn't be caught dead in Swarovski crystals???

Alas, I dared.

I arranged to meet up with a friend at the show, a fellow soon-to-be-Mrs. who is getting hitched in the fall.  Neither of us has done much planning, and it was a first-time expo experience for both of us.  We went in with high hopes and a sense of excitement - which of us would be winning a chic honeymoon to Fiji??  How many dresses would we need to snap pictures of during the runway show??  And perhaps most importantly, just how many caterers would we get to sample, and could we possibly procure a second helping if necessary??

Sadly, all of my bridal show dreams were crushed, juiced, and sieved into the bottoms of my feet within seconds of leaving the registration table.  The organization behind the show didn't get as much turn-out as they'd hoped - either from attendees OR from vendors - and therefore the show had been moved from a massive ballroom to an oversized conference room, where three aisles of perhaps eight vendors each succeeded in looking rather sparse in even such a small space.

We timidly meandered from stall to stall, collecting a plethora of business cards from vendors we had no interest in and filling out countless forms for services we didn't need, mostly in hopes of winning a promising drawing later in the day.  We slugged our way through hard sell after hard sell until I felt my ears would start to bleed.

This began to feel like a fruitless venture, namely because both my friend and I are getting married out of town, and therefore we wouldn't be using any of these L.A.-based vendors.  But we plugged relentlessly on, in the hopes of maybe getting some fresh ideas for escort cards or floral centerpieces, and all of that chi-chi nonsense.

Finally, we reached the end of our trip through the mini conference hall, wearing matching glazed expressions, toting our plastic bags full of two tons of useless information, which of course was causing the bag handles to cut off the circulation to our fingertips.

And of all the things we had been promised?  There was one cake tasting (not so great), no food whatsoever outside of a single chocolate fountain placed mysteriously behind the stacks of plates and napkins, so that you were forced to drip molten chocolate all over the next person in line's place setting (messy and really not worth the trouble), and the only stall to give away prizes at the show rather than via a drawing sometime next year was a bathing suit company - my friend won a $100 gift certificate (only good on purchases of at least $200 - at a BATHING SUIT store).  And me?  Well I certainly got the big pull of the day - I won the "chance to enter" their trip giveaway.  REALLY??  I won an ENTRY FORM?!?  Unfair.

After this hour and a half of total pain, confusion, and misery, we plunked ourselves into a couple of seats to watch the bridal fashion show.  Finally, something that could live up to the hype!  We would get to see our first wedding gowns close-up in person and perhaps deduce which style would be most flattering on our very different body types!  Just before the show began, I whispered to my friend that I hoped they were using some "real" girls in addition to wafer-thin models, as it would be nice to see how these dresses would look on an actual real-live woman.

Lo and behold, my wishes were granted...and yes it's true: be careful what you wish for.  VERY careful.

These girls were most definitely NOT models.  Fine!  I wanted to see real figures!  However, they also appeared to be plucked off the street without a moment's notice, given no instruction on how to walk or even smile.  One girl was so slow, she would've been dead last in a race against a turtle riding a snail...I mean, painfully slow.  Instead of smiling, one of the girls wore a vacant stare, her mouth gaping open - she must have thought of this look as "chic" as opposed to "slow-witted."

And all of the dresses...all TEN of them (what?!?  That's IT?!?)...were hideous.  Awful.  Ugliest things I'd ever seen.  Not to mention they didn't even bother to find girls that would fit them.  Some of the poor girls were far too short, tripping their way down the runway.  Some of them were too heavy (one of whom even had her sloppily pinned together dress fall off right before exiting stage right).  And some were too thin, the dress wrapping around them nearly twice and therefore giving us approximately zero idea of what it should actually look like.

Once the fashion parade from the seventh circle of hell finally wrapped up, my friend and I looked at one another and said, "Well...I guess we should go."  The emcee was announcing that the bridesmaids' fashion show was about to begin as we swept up our belongings and made a mad dash for the exit...god forbid we have to sit through more of THAT.

We made it to the parking garage in one piece, laughed a little, hugged, and said our goodbyes.  Driving myself home, thinking over what had just happened, I was caught between uncontrollable gales of laughter and an appalled silence.  I felt I had just been through a war, lucky to come out the other side with all appendages intact (in this case, not arms and legs but rather my dignity and self-respect).

Yes, it was a nightmare, but I am proud of myself for getting in those trenches and tackling my inner "I-am-the-anti-bride" demons.  I'm glad I tried something new, something wholly different from my everyday life, way out of my comfort zone...

...but I fear the repercussions of having given out my personal information to soooo many vendors, especially seeing as how I clearly have NOT won any drawings and therefore any correspondence will be of the salesman persuasion.

Thank the gods for caller ID.  I wonder when the next wedding show is?

My Top Six Most Under-Appreciated Actors of the Past Few Years

So this isn't the most personal of blog posts, but it's a subject that's arisen in my mind several times in the past few weeks, so I figured what the hell - I'll hang those thoughts out to dry and see if anyone bad-mouths my laundering skills.

I come at this topic from three viewpoints:  One, as a fellow actor - I admire technique and skill in many actors out there, but am frustrated when I see someone great relegated to secondary and/or mediocre roles...Two, as a writer - many actors can live in a writer's dialogue as if it were their own - they probably wouldn't be working at all if they didn't have that skill - but there are a few out there who can really inject their own unique spin (verbally or otherwise) without overdoing it or simply ad-libbing...Three, as a rabid movie fanatic - sometimes you see a movie, and there's someone in there that you just absolutely love and can't understand why in the name of God they haven't won a major award or graced the cover of Entertainment Weekly.

With all that in mind, here are my nominees for the Top Actors Whose Names You Don't Know But Should (sorry, all you David Tomlinson fans, but I'm staying away from the classics and sticking to more current actors for the sake of the less-obsessive readers)...

6.) Joe Morton.  Take it from someone who saw him on Broadway ('Art') - the man can act the pants off of any role out there.  He's a quiet genius whose 40+ year career has spanned film, TV, and stage - and yet I bet you're thinking, 'Joe Whosit?'  Think back to one of the coolest death scenes of all time, as the scientist who birthed the technology that led to killer robots swarming the Earth sacrifices himself in an attempt at atonement ('Terminator 2: Judgement Day'), and there you have it: Joe Morton, brilliant and totally under-appreciated actor.

MUST WATCH: 'Terminator 2,' 'Speed,' Sci-Fi Channel's 'Eureka'

5.)  Justin Long.  Okay, okay, so it's not like he's hurting for roles, and he's certainly done some high-profile stuff ('Live Free or Die Hard' anyone?), but as he's having trouble making the jump from young adult comedies into more grown-up fare, I had to include him.  I knew the moment I saw him in 'Galaxy Quest' that he could be a huge star - the dude is genuinely funny, and is one of the better physical comedians out there right now (remember him getting knocked out with a wrench in 'Dodgeball?'  I nearly wet myself.).  But for some reason, he seems to be stuck with either teen comedies or small, goofy roles in larger but not necessarily better films.  Maybe a supporting dramatic role in a hefty adult drama could help him make him the household name he deserves to be.  

MUST WATCH: 'Galaxy Quest,' 'Dodgeball,' 'Idiocracy'

4.) John Michael Higgins.  I guarantee you know his face, so why not his name?  An absolutely brilliant comedian who steals every scene he's in (he's the one who sings 'Owner of a Lonely Heart' to Vince Vaughn in 'The Break Up,' remember - it was the highlight of both the trailer AND the film), he certainly deserves better than a supporting role on a critically reviled sitcom ('Kath and Kim').  And anyone who's a fan of the phenomenal Christopher Guest movies can tell you that J.M.H. is one of the funniest human beings alive.

MUST WATCH: 'The Late Shift,' 'Best in Show,' 'A Mighty Wind'

3.) Melanie Lynskey.  Waaay back in 1994, there was a little drama called 'Heavenly Creatures,' starring an unknown actress named Kate Winslet and directed by some dude named Peter Jackson.  But while Kate & Pete went on to uber-success, poor Melanie Lynskey had to fight her way up the Hollywood ladder, playing countless best friends, sisters, and women who would bring their baby to a bar ('Sweet Home Alabama').  And like John Michael Higgins, she's now stuck in humorless sitcom hell ('Two and a Half Men').  Save her, Hollywood!!  She's a wonderful actress who could totally headline a rom-com.

MUST WATCH: 'Heavenly Creatures,' 'Ever After,' 'Sweet Home Alabama'

2.) Nathan Fillion. Even dudes wonder why this guy isn't a movie star.  Sure, he's good looking, sure he's got that Harrison Ford rogue-with-a-heart thing down pat, sure he's a great actor, but he's also one of those guys who looks equally at home in drama ('Saving Private Ryan'), comedy ('Slither'), and even action ('Serenity').  He's got that elusive X Factor that makes guys want to be him and women want to be with him - so why is 'White Noise 2' on his resume???  Someone needs to find this guy his romantic-comedy-action franchise, fast.

MUST WATCH: 'Slither,' 'Waitress,' 'Serenity'

1.) Lizzy Caplan. One of my favorite actresses out there right now, and yet nobody knows who she is.  Which sucks.  As the sarcastic-but-still-a-nice-girl Marlena, she was the best part of 'Cloverfield.' (Remember the line, "I'm, like, feeling something - are you aware of Garfield?"  Brilliant.)  She's not your typical beauty, but that just makes me love her all the more.  She's actually witty, which is why her not getting starring roles when people like Malin Ackerman and Katherine Heigl are being touted as comedic geniuses is totally, totally indicative of the unfairness of the Hollywood machine.  Man up, Hollywood.

MUST WATCH: 'Mean Girls,' 'Cloverfield,' HBO's 'True Blood'