Name, Baby, Name!!!

I think we as a nation can agree what issue means the most to us this election season...what in sam hill are Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston going to name their little bundle of joy come this December?!?

Seeing as how soon-to-be Hockey Grandma Sarah Palin preferred rather unusual choices for her own offspring, I'm guessing that young Bristol may follow in her footsteps, foregoing the typical "Michael" or "Amanda" in lieu of something a bit more...feisty.

(And before anyone gets all snippy at me for 'mocking' the Palin family, let me assure you, this is all in good fun...and I certainly don't consider myself 'better' than them - for God's sake, I'm named after a SEASON!!!)

As I know how busy the Palin family is at present moment, I thought I'd take some time out of my own hectic schedule to give them a helping hand, and have created my own list of suggestions for monikers of a unique persuasion.*

*I do not believe that the family will actually use any of these names.  However, if they do, I expect to be monetarily compensated. 

--'Sara Lee.'  Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee.  You can honor Grandma Sarah AND the best double negative ad slogan ever created, all at the same time!

--'501.'  Won't it be cute to call him "Levi's 501?"

--'Doritos.'  This is a sneaky way to make sure you can always bring your baby along with you to a party.  After all, no one's going to tell you that you can't bring Doritos!!

--'Bibliophile.'  Baby reads everything - just like Grandma!

--'Benihana.'  Works for either sex!  You can shorten it to "Ben" for a boy, or "Hana" for a girl - AND you showcase your appreciation for other cultures and ethnicities!

--'Caboodle.'  This one's a joke.  I just wanted to see if anyone remembered Caboodles.

--'Sharpay.'  There's no way in HELL that THIS one is already taken!!!  

--'Whammies.'  Imagine the fun you could have, running around your home screaming, "NO WHAMMIES!"  Then again, seeing as how you're teenagers, you probably don't get the reference.

--'Carhartt.'  Perhaps the baby could snag an early promotional endorsement and score free overalls for the entire fam!

--'Whippets.'  Like the dogs, not the drugs, you godless heathen!!!

--'Maytag.'  Baby will be "built strong to last long," just like Grandma's political career! 

--'Maverick.'  That James Garner sure is swell!

--'Baby.'  I always thought this would be a good idea...after all, no one would be confused as to whom you were addressing!  Until you have another baby, that is.

--'Crapper.'  You'll be paying homage to the legendary inventor of the flush toilet, and also acknowledging what you'll secretly call the baby until it's out of diapers anyway!

And last but not least...

--'Joe the Baby.'  Make sure it's legally listed that way on his birth certificate, otherwise it doesn't count!  Unless you name him Samuel Wurzelbacher, of course.